Broken
by My one true love
Summary: Post Eclipse. Jacob when he takes off running away from La Push.


_Hello all! This is my first Twilight fic. It's Jacob centric because I love him. sigh But no really the end of Eclipse broke my heart and I decided that I needed to break my heart some more by writing it. I wanted to understand what Jacob was feeling and this is what I think he was feeling. Please let me know what you think._

**Broken**

I don't know how long I ran for, but eventually my legs just stopped working. I collapsed onto the ground, my breath coming out in gasps. I had cleared my mind of everything, but the trees that I weaved my way in and out of. There had been no thoughts of Bella or Edward or my heart that was broken into a million pieces. Suddenly it all came back to me, crowding my head and I felt like my heart was breaking all over again.

I closed my eyes, fighting the emotions that threatened to pull me under. The pain was worse than anything that I had ever imagined. Deep down I'd always known that she would pick him, but there was a small part of me that hoped that I was wrong. I knew that she loved me, but it would never be enough. He was her drug and I was just me. I wished that it _was_ enough.

I stood slowly, shaking my muscles out so that I could make my way home. Looking at the sky, I realized that it was probably about two in the morning. My dad would be worried. Everyone would be worried. I was sure that Quil and Embry would be waiting for me when I got back, but I didn't want to see them. They think that they're trying to help, but they're not. I hate when people feel sorry for me. I feel bad enough as it is, I don't need to see the pity in their eyes.

I walked for just a few minutes when I suddenly realized where I was. I was in the woods outside of Bella's house. I cursed my treacherous brain that had unwittingly led me here, led me to the one place that I didn't want to be. I walked to the edge of the woods, staring at the house that I hadn't set foot inside of for months. There was her window which brought back the memory of the night that I climbed into it.

I felt like someone was gripping my heart and squeezing with each memory of my beloved Bella. I saw a movement in the window and my breath caught in my throat. And then like a movie she was suddenly there in the window, silhouetted by the light. Could she sense me? Did she know that I was there?

I shook my head again as the pain washed over me in waves. There was no way that she knew I was there and it's not like she cared. She hadn't even tried to call me after that day she visited. I'd tried to call her once and there was no response. So much for loving me. And she was really going to marry him and let him change her.

I threw my head back and howled in pain. As the howl warbled out, I wondered if it sounded as pained to the rest of the world as it did to me. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Jake?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but it reached me deep in my soul.

I threw my head back again and the howl sounded even more pain filled than the last. I turned to go, the pain too much to bear. In all the times that I'd imagined our meeting again I'd never expected it to hurt. I'd imagined that she'd run into my arms, sobbing about how she'd made the wrong choice.

"Don't leave." Her voice floated across the space between us.

I stopped, glancing back to see her disappear from the window. To leave or stay? Listen to what she had to say or save myself the pain? I continued to look across the space from the house to where I stood. The door suddenly flew open and she came running towards me, tripping down the stairs. She quickly picked herself back up again, falling many times on the way.

I watch as she makes her way towards me, laughing at her clumsiness. It was just another reason that I loved her. By this time it was far too late to run away. She had already spotted me and I stepped forward to meet her, but stopped myself just in time. If she wanted to talk to me then she could come to me. I wouldn't be helping her this time. She would have to fight for me.

She tripped on a root, flying into me with her arms outstretched. They wrapped around my neck as she buried her face into my fur. I could feel the sobs that wrack through her body as she clung to my neck. I could feel my heart breaking all over again, but this time it was breaking for her. I'd never wanted to hurt her, not truly.

Finally her body stopped shaking and she pulled back, meeting my eyes. "Jacob Black! I could kill you. Why didn't you call and then just randomly show up here?!?!" She shook her head when I whined at her deep in my throat. "I know you can't answer me. I'm sorry. I just miss you so much. I feel like there's a part of me missing."

I sat down, nudging her hand with my head. She gave a small laugh through her tears as she rubbed my head. "I don't know what to do without you Jake, but I can't ask you to stay in my life. And you know I can't give him up."

I bobbled my head, hoping that she would understand that I knew how it was. As I watched the tears fall down her face I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't do this. Watching her so hurt and knowing I was the cause of it. I threw my head back and howled that pain-filled howl.

"Please don't leave, Jake. Stay, talk." Bella shook her head. "Please don't leave me again."

It broke my heart to hear her voice breaking over the words, but I had to take care of myself first, keep myself glued together the best way I knew how. I threw her an apologetic look, hoping that she would understand.

"I understand, Jake." She closed her eyes for a moment, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes opened, the fear and pain apparent.

With one more glance at her I took off in the other direction, back into the woods where I could lose myself. In my mind's eye all I could see was her devastated face, tears streaming down her cheeks endlessly. Just another time that I'd hurt her.

I ran and ran until I thought that I couldn't run any longer, but somehow I kept running. I finally found myself directly in front of my house and I collapsed in relief, feeling myself shifting back. I curled up into myself as the hurt overwhelmed me. I could feel the tears coming and wished that I could make it inside where no one could see me, but I knew I'd never make it.

The sobs overtook me as I thought once again of the pain that appeared on her face. I'd left that night to forget and had instead ended up remembering even more than I had before. I was broken and I didn't know how to fix it. Bella had said that a part of her was missing, but I felt like my soul was missing. She was my heart and soul. Without her I didn't know how I could live.

I suddenly felt myself being lifted and looked up to see Quil on one side and Embry on the other. They lifted me, careful not to look me directly in the eye. They hauled me inside to my room, settling me onto the bed. They sat on the floor, backs to me as I let it all out. Eventually the sobs stopped and my breath slowly came back to me. I stared at the ceiling, afraid to look at my friends.

"So, we were thinking of doing some cliff diving," Quil called to me, while still facing the other side of the room. "You wanna come?"

I looked at him in shock. Was he really not going to mention what had just happened? No asking me if I'm okay, shooting me pitying looks? I gave a small laugh. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Embry turned around to face me, a grin on his face. "Well, come on then. Let's go. I've wanted to do it all night."

I gave them a thankful smile as we stood and headed for the cliffs.


End file.
